So as Winter creeps in it's pervy party season and the dates are filling in with amazing invites. But where does that leave us all as regards a kinky good time?
And how can I possibly squeeze any relevance out of this?
Watch me squeeze.
(Or watch others squeeze in these mad GIFs in our new Fetish Frissons board).
The thing is I congregate both with perverts and so-called 'normal' people.
Even though I don't think there is such a thing as 'normal', let's for the sake of difference and better terminology call these friends of mine: 'vanilla'.
How can an individual benefit from the world of positive kink by defining what makes a perve and what makes a vanilla? I don't think you can, if you want definitive, cosy answers. You see, the first problem with this is that some of my vanilla friends aren't strictly anything, some are a bit Tutti-Frutti or Cookie Cream Dynamo, I have to say.
For example, some swing. They are swingers.
They like to swap partners and sex each other. Is this kinky?
I'll leave this to you; personally I don't think it is, it's just a love of more vanilla sex but with a fresh face.
Some are polyamorous.
This means, as you may already know, that a person may have multiple partners for the sake of instinct or convenience: Is this kinky?
Again, I'll leave this to you and... all your lovers, but personally I don't think it is, it's just a love of more vanilla sex but with fresh faces.
Can you sustain love with multiple partners? If you can, bully for you.
But there's always going to be imbalance, jealousy and the wanted, smug and more vocal primary partner that polyamory works best for. And they might just be the bully, so be aware.
Meanwhile, the vanillas are happy as they are.
And Dolly Parton doesn't sleep on her back. Though a lot of them genuinely are. The thing is, some are trapped in loveless marriages: perverse. Some are repressed: perverse. Some blow up and get defensive or jokey when you mention progressive sex: perverse.. Some joke about doing the same routine with the same person for years and years while still doing it: pretty weird.... get the picture?
Let's scoop even deeper now and look at my discreet or out-in-the-street pervert friends.
See, we haven't even touched them yet, even though they might like it – And even though this is a really, really tremendous joke.
Yet, without sounding all crappily politically correct, using the catch-all 'pervert' or 'kinky' is insubstantial. You'd like to think that at a 'fetish night' for example that: They Are All There.
Safely enjoying themselves with others just like them.
Who are these They?:
Old Men? Outsiders?
I made that last one up.
But that's a wide variety of people for a start, and they have all been on their own road to Damascus, searching for a Holy Grail at the end of a rainbow. In other words, they tend to not have journeyed lightly, and being the way they are, or having the right to find out (or the right to change), does end up meaning a lot to each person.
And to perplex you even further:
Some of these they swing and some of them are poly. Some of these perves are celibate ( I was for two separate years): It's not all about the conventional route to sexual congress, as you may know.
Nor is it all about being individual!
Some want to belong to cliques and vice versa.
Some are stereotypes, others hate labels.
Others want to lead, others want to follow.
Some want to:
others to inflict temporary pain and some to receive temporary pain:
Among a hundred things that they might want to try...
...say, from The Book of Kinky Sex Games available now on Amazon Kindle.
(click for a FREE sample). Smiles warmly.
There's no hiding it, just like in any walk of life there are plenty of devious, deviant book salesmen and the odd proper psychopath. Post-recession, 99% era the latter is pretty trendy right now, being the type we're blaming for letting us borrow their money. Jon Ronson's The Psychopath Test is an illuminating read.
But hey, you say, who are these they?
The answer is not that these they are a bunch of freaks who convene where they can.
The answer is not that these they are all of, one of, or any of the above list.
In fact they are usually a combination of some or all of these 'terms' to differing degrees and shades.
The secret to be a 'good' perve then is to respect others on their kink journey and this will help you respect yourself. Like Voltaire suggested in Candide, perhaps to avoid getting into muddles, perhaps we should tend to our own gardens. The trick then is to simply keep asking yourself, how would I like this 'garden' to be? What do I want? What do I like?
You can't lose if you go safely, sanely and consensually.
This way you may lose yourself in the bliss, but you won't lose your way.
Ultimately the good news of kink's positive effect is that these they are the type who gravitate to other generally like-minded, open-minded, tolerant and supportive people. Kinksters take on the words 'freak' and perve' and celebrate them as badges of self-deprecating honour – not unlike the urbane wit of kings of vanilla like David Letterman or Sir Terry Wogan, perversely enough.
In truth, there is no such thing as they, for they, like you, are individual.
And as for touching these perves?...Because it's assumed they'll like it...
....because they are a pervert?:
Well, they might, but you just be careful, it's bad fetiquette not to ask first.
How would you like it?
Jackson ; )
©2014-2015 Once and Future Books/Jackson Rocco. All RightsReserved.
First published April 30, 2014 at 7:14pm