This week I want to discuss fetiquette.
It’s a word I have outrageously concocted myself to define the manners and courtesy needed for a positive kink, fetish or BDSM situation. ‘You mean, those horrible gimp people are polite to each other?!’ Mocked a voice from the back. Well yes, and of course no, we're all human, some freakier than others. But hey, when I say freakier I might actually mean some of the sub-species you find in the queue for the post-club dirty grub. Eurrgghh. Nasty vanillary experiences. Let's forget those.
You're back in the blog.
Fetiquette. Firstly, there is the inherent good manners you MUST use when playing privately with your partner. All kink, fetish and BDSM adult play needs to besafe, sane and consensual: And you need to do your best to communicate well, while also not forget to follow the session up with a little aftercare. Click here for a FREE aftercare cribsheet.
Then there is the fetiquette you will bring with you to an event: The common sense that tells you not spoil things for others and yourself, eg. walking behind someone doing their best Indiana Jones wielding a whip. Most times this kink club etiquette is enforced, and you could get refused entry (ooer, steady) or worse still, thrown out: a humiliation that is real and not fun like a fantasy dressing-down by the mouth-wateringly more mature Posh Spice. It goes without saying then not to be off your gourd if you want to show some kink class.
Let's look at an example of what's expected by club etiquette from Pandemonia in Portsmouth, UK:
You might note note that the rules are pretty thorough.
If you're attending it's vital you follow individual club-night protocol. Do you need to get too stressed out about event rules? No, but you do need to read and have an awareness of them because every club will have their own variations. And if you're unclear, contact the event organisers for clarification. Note that the club owners and the event organisers are invariably not the same people, so go direct to the website, email and ask.
However, in a kink situation you'll find you won't go far wrong if you follow these six fetiquette pointers. They will stand you in good stead for private – and if it takes your fancy – public play:
- All play must be safe, sane and consensual.
- Endeavour to communicate clearly.
- Be considerate, respectful and tolerant of everyone.
- Use common sense, ie give people space to play.
- Don't be unruly, drunk or off your face.
- Always make time for aftercare.
You can read the Safety First section FREE here in the sample on Amazon Kindle which nicely covers all the important set-up aspects of adult play. I’ve also covered Meeting Kinky People, BDSM Munches and Fetish Nightclubbing later in the book, but that means you have to buy it.
The new Android App is here by the way.
So, having learned from my own advice above, how can I word this using my best fetiquette?
Ah yes, thank you for buying my book.
©2014 Once and Future Books/Jackson Rocco. All RightsReserved.
First published in Facebook Notes on April 23, 2014
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