I know some of you might baulk at being called merely kinky, but there you go. And I'm pressed for time, so I'm going to crack on.
Today's blog is inspired by the frisson of kink in Love For Sale, the Channel 4 documentary about prostitution, presented by actor turned journalist Rupert Everett. (See it here: http://ow.ly/wPBwT – UK only I think) I don't want to do RE an injustice by only half reviewing it of course, because I think it's brilliant, but the series did also bring up a couple of cool things that dovetail with our positive kink, fetish and BDSM adventures championed in these humble posts.
To begin with Rupert Everett is a perfect narrator and observer, not patronizing and a thoroughly decent humanist.
I can't think of too many other programmes where a documentary journalist was as open-minded and non-judgmental in the alternative sex category. For example, you never really quite believed Louis Theroux (Weird Weekends) or Nick Broomfield (Fetishes) weren't in it with some form of agenda: Theroux too arch and perhaps out for japes, Broomfield after the big reveals and stories, despite both being boundary pushers and producing exceptional work.
Everett's approach obviously comes with an irreverent metro-sexual Prince of Gay persona, but this cartoonish description is to undermine his own understanding of the absurdity of labels. He has moved on, and his mini-inquisitions related like a tea and chat, allowing the characters to reflect, reveal and revel in the spectacle of their own deviations.
For Leeds-based dominatrix, ex-prison officer Mistress Dita, it's a straight question, perhaps of straightness:
How many of her clients want anal play? Her reply of 'ninety per cent' doesn't lead Everett to conclude that these guys are secretly homosexual, even though you suspect that's why he asked. Instead he wonders what's going on. As Dita's client remarks, probed further about his need for dominatrix-based 'anal punishment' while being anonymously interviewed wearing, inevitably, a leather gimp hood: 'It's a strange world isn't it?'
Did Everett believe Dita's 'slave' client when he said these things happened only under 'special circumstances', ie within the framework of a BDSM domme session? Well he doesn't suggest the client must therefore be gay, because he knows kink is more complicated than that, tellingly exemplified by his knowledge of kink terms in his questions.
It's just as interesting that some gay men link bum sex with being gay, as if this is their territory, or the thing they know about or all that gay stands for. As we know, men have a G-spot called the prostrate gland, something women don't have, and when stimulated it can produce an intense, uncontrollable orgasm (http://ow.ly/wQ6e1 ). How does it make a man gay if they want a woman to stimulate it? Yes, some men fancy a female booty and want to put themselves in one occasionally. Some men like the idea of women being pervy with them in the bum.That doesn't men these same men want a man to do that. Though it might lead to that, who knows?
Anal for men by women is becoming more of a commonly broken 'taboo'.
It will only take a butch Hollywood actor to say 'yeah, my wife and I do that all the time' for it to be allowed to be acceptable pub blokey talk, obviously to be garnished by gruff innuendos about not being gay and 'did you see the match last night?'.
Why the obsession with gay or not by either sexual preference?:
Because society still decrees that manhood and male sexuality are contingent upon each other, you only have to look at the banal and silly same-sex controversies around sport, politics and the army etc. So for gay guys, the revelation of anal games could mean the reveal of the ultimate hypocrisy of society's attitude towards their sexuality in the first place. Thankfully, assisted these days by The Power of Twitter v. Governments Run by Sub Species, attitudes are changing, and so many people don't want to be assessed by their sexual inclinations: They just want to move on.
Thinking about the ninety per cent that visit Mistress Dita for anal play: could it be that this is because she advertises this service on her website? If she didn't ,would they still be going to see her? This statistic doesn't necessarily tell us anything accurate. More importantly it shouldn't matter.
I once turned down the opportunity to 'report' on some nationally-known (single) notaries I'd heard were involved in a three-way kink sesh. To a tabloid the story would have coined me £40,000 easy. I refused simply because the story was not about the usual assumed degradation of souls and 'what are these people of position, doing in these positions?'
The nub of the story for me was about the release of tension, the kink sexploration, the need for the brain to balance out it's overly-powered ego with a private adult games, for these are the things we can actually learn, not who did what to whom. Unfortunately it would have been a story no red-top couldn't resist perverting for their own tired motives.
What is real for me is treating people with equal respect, irrelevant of what they're into. Rupert Everett did this wholeheartedly, and this is what really impressed me. As Russel Brand said at the tail end of Episode 2 when ruefully discussing his use of prostitutes: 'Be careful wiv your souls'.
The crux of prostitution and kink for sale (regardless of of any personal service inclusion) is that it just so happens someone has put a price on something an experience seeker wants. That's cool with most people if no one gets hurt: matrimonially, sexually, financially, spiritually et al.The part I take issue with is when that the explorer is in denial and is forced to go and buy the exploration. This is not a comment on the skills of sex workers and providers of kink.
What makes me passionate enough to write blogs, spin social media and tell people about positive kink sexploration is the idea that loving couples can communicate, exchange and explore without having to go behind each other's backs.
Is it not perverse that prostitution actually has to exist? Surely we've got it all arse about tit?
Have fun and play safe
Jackson ; )
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First published May 14, 2014 at 4:11pm
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