Just a note to say that after a long sale period we've restored the prices of the Kindle version of The Book of Kinky Sex Games: Kink, Fetish and BDSM Through Adult Play, to their original value. In most cases it's based on the UK £6.99 and even been reduced around the world from there to account for cultural affordability and Kindle guidance.

​At £3 less than a usual paperback and around half the price of other prestigious and less comprehensive kink books we fervently hope it will continue to be the key to your wildest positive kink dreams.

Saying that, the Android app of The Book of Kinky Sex Games: Kink, Fetish and BDSM Through Adult Play (featuring links to Pinterest visuals; kinky toy and gear shopping with a UK-based award-winning adult retailer; and with three 5-star user reviews) is still only £2.99. 

Howdy ho my Helping Hedonists

Last night (25th Feb, 2016) saw the broadcast of a British first.
No, not titillation, not exploitation or even a late-night frapfeste; but the ground-breaking turnaround of a programme supporting kink and fetish. 

The Great British Sex Survey was flawed but ultimately fantastic: I can't recall another show asking us to mostly celebrate people's kinks as courageous and inspirational as opposed to keeping kinksters at a safe distance to be watched and entertained by.

Indeed, this was the first sex education show of it's kind ask us to follow our sexual calling instead of suggesting we might also need to get some help, just in case. Special praise must go to psychologist and presenter Phillipa Perry (wife of Grayson) for embracing so much diversity and daring to explain it all to us in a palatable form.

What was interesting was the mix of straight sex affiliations plus kink.
Let's get this straight, straight people, kink makes us go eurrghh or uh-oh. Just a little bit. There's a bit of the unknown, a shiver of fear, distaste, uncertainty. I'm not convinced sex toys or threesomes make us feel so off-kilter. They don't necessarily require a reassessment of our personality. Kink and fetish practice does.

This is not to knock the show.
We'll get to my minor quibbles, it's just that, as taboos melt into stuff everyone tries at least once, it seems the mainstream world can only bring itself around to a kink mindset only through the window of 'dirty sex', hedonism, taking our clothes off or being Cosmopolitan-carefully wild. Although it was amazing to see the formerly taboo Watersports in at No.9 on their survey list (and computer-animated as little plastic people pissing on each other), I would have liked to have seen five minutes spent talking about anal play and strap-ons (and it's widespread integration), instead of slipping them in to the BDSM category. Did you feel what I did there?

So how did the programme misfire?
Well it needs to be said The Great British Sex Survey was mostly brilliant, especially people trying to guess the sex toy. But here for example is where calling it a sex survey while presenting it as a kink show might have a benefited from one more production meeting. You have to ask, is a humbler a sex toy or a BDSM device? Am I being pedantic when you think that sex toys are generally designed to get people off? A humbler is a ball-stretching, prevention tool (see slide-show), so the opposite in fact.

Still, I loved the way the show championed diversity, we do that here.
But employing the Road Drill dom was probably ill-advised, his use of pro-nouns telling. And his 'for show' drill, the size of something you'd use for digging up tarmac, made Perry laugh. Indeed, the bloody thing with it's bollard-sized rubber donger, was laughable. He talked of fear, she agreed. Then she said that BDSM was safe (with consent), which is a conflict.

The truth is this:
BDSM is not safe. That's why the Road Drill dom said it scared people. The truth is, even with safety, sanity and consensuality we can only endeavour to make BDSM safer. Let's say that a different way.

BDSM can only be made safer, there are no guarantees it's 100% safe. 
Have you got it yet? If you think about it, this explains why BDSM practitioners in the know recoil when you kill the vibe with 'health and safety' advice (and I've had my share of such accusations thank you) and why kink-haters are repulsed. Yes, the Road Drill dom knows, fear is the key, and fear is, hey, healthy and safety inducing.

Perry also seemed to believe, as many psychologists do, that people who practice kink are transferring negative experiences from their childhood and making them controllable by sexualizing them. I wouldn't say it's strictly 'transference', although I know Philippa Perry didn't actually say this. But the problem I have with it even as an intimation is that if we were to use instead the word 'transformation' as a less-negative, less-connected-to-the-past definition, we're still 'connecting' dots just to 'explain kink'.

There are plenty of victims of childhood trauma who didn't go on to be kinky, probably more. And many kinksters I know are not so gauche to connect their sexual practice to say, their parents' shortcomings or past pain. All I'm saying is that this age-old transfer theory comes across cod and is ultimately a moot point. I personally think perves tend to be simply more conscious of their needs:

Here is a quote from my breakdown of my much-copied Fifty Shades analysis, in relation to El James' linking her character Christian Grey's  past to his perversions, from myth-bust No.43/50: "...only the receptive kink explorers are investigating, harnessing (literally!) and learning to control adrenaline rushes at their behest, in a consented-to environment: the exact opposite of negative and traumatic situations of yesteryear. Yes, in the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, the outland interests of kinksters are 'potentially problematic'. But this is because fetishists and BDSM practitioners (and all manner of sadist, masochist, sub, dom/domme, top, bottom, mistress, master and slave) have not just had more experiences, and are not the only ones open to new experience, they've actually been more conscious of experience happening (the aforesaid receptive element)." 

It was wonderful that Phillipa Perry expanded her mind too and gamely got into a vac-bed. But she did it a bit like it was a children's party, with the Road Drill Dom master monitoring, who to be fair – and having hung up his Road Drill – kindly cleaned and dried the latex bed for her.

Perry then entered the rubber sheets a) fully-dressed, while b) working (journalistic piece-to-camera) while c) not entering a 'scene' with the dom or d) at least trying out any sensory play. It didn't live up to her expectations, she said. Well, no surprises there then: a reminder, eh-hum, *clears throat: that these are sexual practices.

But in celebration of sexual difference, even the worms guy had a special place.
Albeit the Ch4 default outrageous sketch. And once you saw the worms guy doing his thing (or or in reality, the worms doing his thing) then you could never unsee the worms guy doing his thing. Interesting how they left a lot of other things left still unshown. And we've discussed extreme stuff here too.

Such is the nature of journalism and the minefield subject of kink: You're not going to please everyone with a programme about individual sexual or perverted pursuits. It's not easy, yet Perry and Ch4 have not only made life slightly easier for many chasing their deviant dreams, they've helped show that kinksters actually set the standard for bravery, self-emancipation and human happiness.

Take care and kink well
Jackson x

Howdy Hi My Fetish Friends,

Lately I've been reading the same-old sendarounds about 'kink do's and don'ts' and 'six ways to play'... you know the kind of thing. I don't begrudge any of it, all (well-written and informed) positive kink education is good as far as I'm concerned. But it did occur to me reading these things that a frustrated kink seeker might be chasing their (imaginary faux fur butt-plug) tail with some of this stuff. Here's why:

You can read a 100 BDSM blogs until you are blue in the face, as well as making blue yours or your consenting partner's arse-cheeks: But they won't tell you THE answer. To save you time let's flip you round. Picture me dominating you if it helps (I give you my consent!). Seriously, I'm talking about perspective: That the answer to a lifetime of good kink is actually, paradoxically, a question.

Don't delve into a labyrinth of misunderstanding, lost, fumbling over your own questions about this 'world of pervery'. Just ask yourself one. What do YOU want? 

Good kink, fetish and BDSM is Christmas all year round, and the jollity is consensual.
That's because you, the individual have mastered (or obsessed about) some kink and want to do it. You also have a menu of things you want to try and will have moods to taper activity down or ramp the excitement up. This is normal, abnormal behaviour.

But the crucial point is that mastery, menus and moods are all yours.
And you are asking for it.

So all those questions about bondage, pain, nipple-clamps, electro-stimulation and materials to wear for sexplay... multiplied by the questions of roles both for lifestyle or occasional player... multiplied by protocol and the use of 'definitive' technique? 

Well they should be answered by knowing that you possess a multifariously individual mindset, as does your lover. Understanding each other's mindset before you play is one of the best frameworks you will have for good kink. It will make the safety, sanity and consensuality ethos (ultimately the most important framework) behind every play session infinitely easier. Knowing each others mindsets will mentally lubricate your interactions and make you care more. It will make everything more intense as you greenlight more and redlight less.

So worry less why general people are dom/me, sub or switch and focus more on why your partner is and what they want and how that corresponds with your needs. If you are partner-less perhaps narrow down your focus to search for someone who mirrors your kinks. Yeah, I know, duh!... Lame advice. But are you really doing this?

Unless you do want to be by yourself and you're projecting and wantasising of course, I wouldn't want to stop you enjoying a nice frap at the end of a hard day. Aren't I gracious? But just remember, that onanism comes (no pun and pun intended) with a deceptively powerful and deluding sense of control.

Engaging with another is about learning how to get out of control, swapping your projection for realised fantasy, exchanging your doubts for trust and replacing your solitude with shared, endlessly multiplied joy. I'm not saying it doesn't take a bit of work or effort, but then anything worthwhile takes hours of practice. So don't just wait for the years of erotica you've read to magic to life. Don't say to other: 'You know what to do, I'm waiting,' and lie there star-spangled.

Only you are the expert of you, and often people who expect life to happen to them lack self-awareness: Worse, they put the onus on others to work them out. Then the other person gets blamed for doing the something wrong that isn't nice. If this is a familiar pattern on your own planet of perve then maybe you need to recalibrate and emancipate yourself. 

If it's a self-esteem issue, remember this: Kink style and fashion is very forgiving and now extremely popular. Plus, more importantly, pervy partners tend to place of lot more or as much emphasis on attitude and shared intentions over say, physical attributes or experience. 

Ultimately, positive kink is not a one-way street. All those searches are still only one way. How about you? Are you remembering to also ask and engage with the question:
What do you want?

​Have a tumultuous 2016
Happy kinks
Jackson x

Just a short post to say that I personally am no longer reviewing clubs, events, workshops and fairs. This is because it's too costly and takes up too much of my freelance work time (total=£300+). But this does not mean I am averse to promoters, designers, photographers and writers sending me reviews, articles, galleries, notices and promotion to post and spin round the net for FREE. This site regularly gets more than 2,000 views a day from across the world.

Perhaps you're a writer or photographer that can make a mutually agreeable arrangement with an event organiser? Or maybe can find someone to write or record your event or tell people about your kink, fetish or BDSM item? 

So, please take advantage of my good nature and contact me on FaceBook, Twitter or the Get in Touch page. I will collect your elements and edit, proof and put them in their best light; then post and spin them round on social media. All I ask is that you try to talk about kink positively, avoid vacuous marketing and to not use this platform to slag anyone else off.

Thank you!

​Jackson ; )
​

Howdy-ho kinky friends,

I know some of you might baulk at being called merely kinky, but there you go. And I'm pressed for time, so I'm going to crack on.

Today's blog is inspired by the frisson of kink in Love For Sale, the Channel 4 documentary about prostitution, presented by actor turned journalist Rupert Everett. (See it here: http://ow.ly/wPBwT – UK only I think) I don't want to do RE an injustice by only half reviewing it of course, because I think it's brilliant, but the series did also bring up a couple of cool things that dovetail with our positive kink, fetish and BDSM adventures championed in these humble posts.

To begin with Rupert Everett is a perfect narrator and observer, not patronizing and a thoroughly decent humanist.
I can't think of too many other programmes where a documentary journalist was as open-minded and non-judgmental in the alternative sex category. For example, you never really quite believed Louis Theroux (Weird Weekends) or Nick Broomfield (Fetishes) weren't in it with some form of agenda: Theroux too arch and perhaps out for japes, Broomfield after the big reveals and stories, despite both being boundary pushers and producing exceptional work.

Everett's approach obviously comes with an irreverent metro-sexual Prince of Gay persona, but this cartoonish description is to undermine his own understanding of the absurdity of labels. He has moved on, and his mini-inquisitions related like a tea and chat, allowing the characters to reflect, reveal and revel in the spectacle of their own deviations.

For Leeds-based dominatrix, ex-prison officer Mistress Dita, it's a straight question, perhaps of straightness:
How many of her clients want anal play? Her reply of 'ninety per cent' doesn't lead Everett to conclude that these guys are secretly homosexual, even though you suspect that's why he asked. Instead he wonders what's going on. As Dita's client remarks, probed further about his need for dominatrix-based 'anal punishment' while being anonymously interviewed wearing, inevitably, a leather gimp hood: 'It's a strange world isn't it?'

Did Everett believe Dita's 'slave' client when he said these things happened only under 'special circumstances', ie within the framework of a BDSM domme session? Well he doesn't suggest the client must therefore be gay, because he knows kink is more complicated than that, tellingly exemplified by his knowledge of kink terms in his questions.

It's just as interesting that some gay men link bum sex with being gay, as if this is their territory, or the thing they know about or all that gay stands for. As we know, men have a G-spot called the prostrate gland, something women don't have, and when stimulated it can produce an intense, uncontrollable orgasm (http://ow.ly/wQ6e1 ). How does it make a man gay if they want a woman to stimulate it? Yes, some men fancy a female booty and want to put themselves in one occasionally. Some men like the idea of women being pervy with them in the bum.That doesn't men these same men want a man to do that. Though it might lead to that, who knows?

Anal for men by women is becoming more of a commonly broken 'taboo'.
It will only take a butch Hollywood actor to say 'yeah, my wife and I do that all the time' for it to be allowed to be acceptable pub blokey talk, obviously to be garnished by gruff innuendos about not being gay and 'did you see the match last night?'. 

Why the obsession with gay or not by either sexual preference?:
Because society still decrees that manhood and male sexuality are contingent upon each other, you only have to look at the banal and silly same-sex controversies around sport, politics and the army etc. So for gay guys, the revelation of anal games could mean the reveal of the ultimate hypocrisy of society's attitude towards their sexuality in the first place. Thankfully, assisted these days by The Power of Twitter v. Governments Run by Sub Species, attitudes are changing, and so many people don't want to be assessed by their sexual inclinations: They just want to move on. 

Thinking about the ninety per cent that visit Mistress Dita for anal play: could it be that this is because she advertises this service on her website? If she didn't ,would they still be going to see her? This statistic doesn't necessarily tell us anything accurate. More importantly it shouldn't matter.

I once turned down the opportunity to 'report' on some nationally-known (single) notaries I'd heard were involved in a three-way kink sesh. To a tabloid the story would have coined me £40,000 easy. I refused simply because the story was not about the usual assumed degradation of souls and 'what are these people of position, doing in these positions?' 

The nub of the story for me was about the release of tension, the kink sexploration, the need for the brain to balance out it's overly-powered ego with a private adult games, for these are the things we can actually learn, not who did what to whom. Unfortunately it would have been a story no red-top couldn't resist perverting for their own tired motives.

What is real for me is treating people with equal respect, irrelevant of what they're into. Rupert Everett did this wholeheartedly, and this is what really impressed me. As Russel Brand said at the tail end of Episode 2 when ruefully discussing his use of prostitutes: 'Be careful wiv your souls'.

The crux of prostitution and kink for sale (regardless of of any personal service inclusion) is that it just so happens someone has put a price on something an experience seeker wants. That's cool with most people if no one gets hurt: matrimonially, sexually, financially, spiritually et al.The part I take issue with is when that the explorer is in denial and is forced to go and buy the exploration. This is not a comment on the skills of sex workers and providers of kink.

What makes me passionate enough to write blogs, spin social media and tell people about positive kink sexploration is the idea that loving couples can communicate, exchange and explore without having to go behind each other's backs. 

Is it not perverse that prostitution actually has to exist? Surely we've got it all arse about tit?

Have fun and play safe
Jackson ; )

Book 'plug' here, and other hilarious inyourendos:
http://ow.ly/wPXRq 

First published May 14, 2014 at 4:11pm
©2014-2015 Once and Future Books/Jackson Rocco. All RightsReserved.

Howdy hi the Fetish Fly
Today I thought we'd have some fun with ten fetish and BDSM cliché stereotypes we've met or even been at some stage in our kink careers at clubs, bondage bars, private parties or sexy soirées.

If you're continually being worn out by these cheesy people (or phases!) then perhaps it's time to take a little break from the fetish scene. Maybe your strap-on was getting between you as well. Or the way you were leaning on your huge medieval axe. I know for sure I've been through these phases (though not a fetish model... yet) and none of us are ever 100% on our game game.
But we can always laugh at ourselves. Just remember, as they say: good humility is not about thinking less of yourself, but more... thinking about yourself less. Or something cheesy like that.

1. Needy Sub
We all know who he or she is: That person who is just hanging about. That shadow just behind waiting for an interaction, happy to be mute, yet... attentive. Because you now both know of course that every interaction has become a turn-on power thing that's just bound to escalate into club-stalking and early hours tears. Then perhaps a post-rejection flouncy slag-off to mutual acquaintances.

What to do
Let them know your play is not a prelude to marriage.
Seek out someone that would be a perfect match for them.
Never swap numbers.
Change your numbers.
Throw your phone in a river and change your identity.

2. Agendarist
This person you can see coming because they are RIGHT THERE blocking out or being the actual light in the room. Huge egos, huge presence and general owner of the planet and they know it. Problem with that? No problem: They are the elephant in the room. They have a plan, they have their turn-ons and that's attractive. Until they begin to hate you for asking too many questions or daring to have your own needs.

What to do
Don't confuse their confidence with confidence, they're most likely slightly psycho and lacking normal emotions. And don't be turned on by that.
And having ignored me, know what you're getting into with research and advice from friends.
If you don't know, then don't rely on someone solely because they seem very exciting.
Or listen to their gaming dares.
Or take their drugs. Or drink the first drink they hand you straight away.
They will not send flowers or chocolate.

3. Cool Kink Kid
The secretly newbie who bluffs and bluffs until they have a very bad boyfriend/girlfriend kink experience with Jack Daniels and needles and never do kink again. That late teenager, early twenty-something who knows completely everything before their time, and really, really could not possibly have done so without 'time' itself.

What to do
Watch the straps come off your limbs as you rotate round a Bondage Wheel 360 degrees as the cool kink kid shrugs and/or laughs in the face of basic safety.
This may still turn you on, I don't know.

4. Personality Clash
'I think it's because I might have Apserger's' says Mr or Miss Personality Clash on a routine basis after finding that people have taken exception to their poor taste 'humour'. They may still believe the actual punk band Clash didn't go to public school and were really punk. Personality Clash is slightly at war with themselves, but the dynamic tension is everything and 'what it's all about', certainly their proud right to be a cunt or cunty, because it's cool and either Mad Max primal or feminist or the seeming lifestyle incarnation of Prodigy records. They may have shaved the side of their head if they're not a full-blown lifestyler.

What to do
Agree with everything they say without saying anything, then slowly back away when others join you.
Put up with with the 24/7 abusive narcissism just so you can share your love of candle-wax and pegging until you realise there are others who love these kinks without talking incessant cider-fueled blather. Or spending all your money in the name of anarchy.

5. Fetish Photo Man
The guy who pretends he won't stay up half the night cracking off his semi-hard whistle while engaged in serious Photoshop 'production' of his images before uploading or 'offloading'. He has complete control and a £3000 digital camera which he'll suddenly place in your face and snap in a premature emulation of his bedroom prowess.

What to do:
Girls and Dandies:
Just remember to sift the pros from the woes with this rhyme:
If he asks and produces a card
Or if he's wearing a lanyard.

6. I'm Into Fetish Model
Girl.
Latex dress.
Optional piercing or tattoo.
Has 2,012 followers on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.
Height: 4ft 4" high.
In heels: 6ft 3".
Loves being photographed to intensify her vanity issues vortex.
Good at saluting in military outfits.
Not actually into kink, fetish or BDSM. "No wait, I like that financial domming, that's the one where men send you money isn't it?"

What to do:
Guys: There's nothing you can do.
Guys: But maybe you can take drugs with her to indicate that you are also wild and fun or buy drinks to pour into the aforementioned vortex, but remember none of it is a pre-discussed sex game or a prelude to her actually talking to you.

7. Gang Wangers
They're in a gang and they wear similar clothes and stand in the middle of the club to indicate their importance while not smiling. Everything around them is not good enough, except perhaps someone taking their photograph or handing them drink or drugs. Or showing them a picture of themselves.

What to do:
Admire, copy and lust after them, but remember you can never be a true Gang Wanger.

8. Tops Off Boy
Usually in their twenties with long rock hair. Pretty and pretty slutty. Surprisingly Ann Summers interest in kink verified by no dress code top off and black trousers. Alright then, with a studded belt. Annoyingly clueless, extremely hyper or overly laidback, yet fuckable to the ladies, and always in the way of the men.

What to do:
Girls: Tell them to kneel down, face down for ten minutes as a loyalty test. Then walk off.

9. Burley-Esque Corset Girl
What would the corset and pastie trade do without the Burley-Esque girl? The thing is, these stereotypes usually smile and are up for a few laughs, so it's hard to poke fun at them. Nor very kind.

What to do:
Talk about cake, crisps, pizza and chocolate.
Guys: Buy them cake, crisps, pizza and chocolate.

Dr. I Don't Do Labels
It's hard to avoid clichés in the kink, fetish and BDSM world, as some archetypes really get us going: Except the PhD graduate-knows-more-than-you-about-social-sciences. The doctors never seem to know enough to integrate with others successfully, having intellectualized themselves off the pitch of play. Yes, we all know what they mean, but does it have to be so mentally anguished? Yes it does, because it explains why they haven't addressed their lack of social intelligence.

What to do:
Ask them a question and watch them assume that by subsequently listening to their half-hour lecture you are actually connecting. Oh, don't worry about being mean, they are enjoying themselves.

Thank you for reading
Kink safe

Jackson ; )

The internationally rave-reviewed: The Book of Kinky Sex Games
Don't forget my book and app has 13 standalone chapters helping you to negotiate the kink, fetish and BDSM lifetsyle. As well as 69 sex games taking you through 100 fetishes and kinks.

Back up visuals on Pinterest here. 89 boards, 3,000 pins.

Back up information here on Facebook.

Howdy hi my awesome alt-lovers,

So yes, as the title suggests, I did this Kink film Q & A.
Yes and this blog is a very tardy report of it, so I need spanking. A month late in fact.
But hey, being an obssessive, some thoughts about kink remain, literally.

Firstly I was asked, along with three others to comment on the 2013 film Kink showing at the Duke of Yorks Komedia as part of the Eyes Wide Open season for Brighton Pride.
Kink is a documentary about the online hardcore BDSM porn enterprise Kink.com – produced by James Franco (you know, the Green Goblin's son, erm, Green Goblin from Spiderman 1 & 2. You know, the guy who last his arm under a boulder in 127 hours).

Apparently he's dragged up a few times for PR but does this mean he himself is a transvestite? And does this means he's kinky or gobbling anything green? On the record Franco has an avid interest in sexual expression through performance art, so it sounds to me he's more a sexplorer. (And Howl is a brilliantly unique poetry film and I urge you to see it).

Anyhoot.

THE FILM

What Kink came across to me was a bit like a BDSM Spinal Tap without the script.
That's not to belittle it or not to find the film joyous, for what we see is the whole gamut of this company's hardcore BDSM porn making. This makes for some amazing gems of power dynamic and beyond ridiculousness that frankly, only the number one kink porn film complex situated in the San Francisco Armory could provide.

I laughed a lot.
Some around me were not sure if you were supposed to laugh, but when one of the directors (on screen) is complaining about a BDSM actor being distracted in a scene while being distracted herself, the irony is plain to see. And it's these moments that Kink director Christina Voros did well not to leave on the cutting room floor, instances that revealed a truer human experience and help you buy into the film beyond the healthy suspicion that it was all some kind of sponsored promotional spin-off.

Thinking about it, Peter Acworth – the web entrepreneur behind a series of sites ranging from Kink.com to Hogtied and Divine Bitches – didn't have to open the studios doors to anyone else's cameras delving the journalistic deep or hoping to find an alternative entertainment value. He could have commissioned his own team.

This was a good move then because the non-intrusive yet candid film-style gave us many classic moments:
The remonstration of a dominant actor's manhandling-style by the director;
The untrustworthily hammy bitches of an disillusioned career performer; 
The chaotic but well-swerved near-disaster of a naive female actor's change of heart during a play rape filming; and
The mega-buck big numbers casually discussed in the accounts room as Acworth and his directors looked to improve their service for account holders.

Outrageous enough for vanilla viewers, these scenes still proved fascinating for kinksters like my friends and I as we reveled in the D/S dynamics being planned, shot and supervised by the 'superdomming' of the porn directors: this they did of course in order to meet the criteria of saleable hardcore entertainment.

THE Q& A

After a pro-domme and an obscenity lawyer dropped out, my 'colleague' Aesthetic Synthetic blogger Rachel James and I were left to debate and field questions about kink, pornography, feminism and the film itself. Perhaps our absent friends could have provided more direct insight, but afterwards we were told the post-film discussion was the best the cinema had had thus far, so we survived!

The audience bizarrely contained two sexworkers, two pornographers and a porn actor (that we knew of by asking questions) so we had some excellent further opinions and perspectives. There were a few points I think worth noting here, and I'd like to tackle the last question actually asked, first, because it's the most useful for clarification.

What's the difference between kink and BDSM?
This was asked I think because of the confusion created by marketing. Firstly the film was called Kink because the site is called Kink.com, but then in the first minute the film typographs the dictionary definition of BDSM on the screen. What Kink.com has done is taken the umbrella term to cover all of its hardcore porn services.

Kink doesn't mean hardcore porn, nor does it mean just bondage or just S&M or just hardcore sex. Kink simply means a sexual deviation, a different way of doing sex that is outside the norm. BDSM (Bondage, Discipline – Dominance, Submission – Sadism and Masochism) are some of the kinky things that you can get involved with if you like. On the one hand the name appropriation is clever marketing, but the majority of kinky practices don't take place in an armory in San Fransisco. Nor are they filmed or a globally successful business.

Is the feminism affected by this kind of hardcore porn?
I've generalized this question from a lengthy discussion as I know some present at the Q & A were not for porn because they felt it subjugates women or at least had the potential to, while a few sexworkers and performers in the audience felt it demeaned their choices not to have the right to do what they want with their bodies.

Personally I don't 'use' porn but I feel people of any gender should do what they want, whether be in it or watch it, as long as they don't hurt themselves or others (without consent!). With its proliferation, piracy and streaming it also seems that modern porn industry may be on the backfoot financially, which leaves the question down to any performer in the digital age, will they do it for the money or the love of it?

As regards respect to subs, doms, men and women of all persuasions, Kink.com do have before and after interviews and do seem to be transparent with both their safety and their hardcore intentions, so you can't really take issue with them, For one, they doing exactly what they advertise, and two, all their performers seemed madly keen to be there.

What about the censorship question?
Kink porn has to be difficult for censorship because legislation doesn't deal in moral rights and wrongs, it deals in pure law, and I'm not convinced you can fully legislate the difference when there are consenting naked people on film getting off with each other. The grey areas regarding straight porn slip over into the BDSM world where I think a majority of kink pleasure films pertaining to fetish and practice without penetration aren't actually pure porn. So it must be a minefield to either judge or fight for.

What aspects of BDSM culture, lifestyle, and pornography are missing from the film?
My answer to this was: Loving couples, privacy, monogamist relationships: which make up 90% of kink relationships: if we measure kink from the people we know tying or dressing up for sex. But of course many working for Kink.com were having fun or enjoying their work, and had justified their own polyamorous or transient positions and performance criteria. Personally I promote the idea that loving consenting couples should seek to realise their fantasies for real and a film called Kink might come across as misrepresentative. And yes I have a book for sale.

What are some common misconceptions about BDSM and how successful is the film in dispelling them? The most common misunderstanding is that BDSM practice is NOT dangerous, because this is about the people actually doing it who try and be too cool or bluff that they know what they're doing. But the film itself is fun rather than exploring how things can go wrong, and even then it shows and that Kink.com is aware that it could go wrong, and that the directors have contingencies for these eventualities. I think all that was missing from the film was some more naysayers not happy with the enterprise – for the sake of balance – but perhaps there aren't any, or were they... gagged?
Which is a gag in itself if you think about it.

I'll stop now.

Take care and kink well
Jackson x

Howdy hi my hotties,

Now I know you think my blog is orgasmic – thank you – but today it really is, as I unfold the scintillating unreality of whole body (multiple) orgasms as revealed in my book and in Game 20: The Mindblower.
So kinksters, if you like:

• restraints, ie bondage
• cuddling in catsuits
• tying up and teasing
• sensual play
• queening
• mummification
• cages
• plastic wrapping
  
• vac-beds
  
  

and a myriad of fetishes and kinky play practices where one of you and your consensual partner are 'restricted', then you may want to add these tricks to your personal repertoire, if you haven't already. (That horny feeling you're amplifying? – Just add this...) Moreover, learning whole body orgasm practice can prolong play and add a sustained dimension of intimacy and glowing anticipation to your pervy proceedings.

Of course, these physical, minimal movement 'exercises' will show you an incredible side of yourself you won't believe... until it happens. And once learnt, you can do them virtually anywhere. Why? Because it's hands free and the eh-hum, outcome, is... dry.
So, are you sitting (un)comfortably? Then let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time I went to a music festival.

During a hot summer’s day my attention was kept in alert mode by an inordinate number of scantily-clad rock chicks. As one does. In the evening I found myself sharing a tent with a male friend and frustrated by the fact that propriety prevented me from relieving myself from the pent-up excitement of seeing so many wonderful female forms. Strangely though I felt I could enhance the good feelings I had around my nether regions by focusing on the images in my head and ‘throbbing’ myself by will internally – thus not disturbing my sleeping friend.

As an experiment I kept going, as I felt there seemed to be an escalation of joy taking place, now not just in my groin, but throughout my body. Obviously my friend beside me was oblivious to my ‘inactivity’ as it would have appeared. And as it the festival campsite was so noisy, it proved a welcome distraction. By dawn I had moved into a blissful euphoria that became pronounced, sustaining itself for more than half an hour. Unbeknown to me I’d had my first whole body orgasm.

A few months later in WH Smiths I was gob-smacked to see The Multi-Orgasmic Man on their shelves, not least for the title but also because I found my hands-free experience exactly described inside. Wanting to spread the gospel to my mates about the raptures of being a multi-orgasmic man I gave the book to a few friends. The response was a series of confused looks ranging from hurt (“what are you trying to say?”) to ignorance (“I always thought you were gay”) from pride (“yeah, thanks, ehm, I already know”) to cliché (“God, you’re not into all this hippy psychobabble are you?”).

With the floodgates of knowledge now opened by the advent of the internet, surely attitudes had changed enough to reappraise this mind-blowing information? Let’s look at the benefits, clarified by the book. Firstly, the ‘multi-orgasmic’ bit refers to dry orgasms, not an ejaculation. Next, they’re internal, you pulse and glow on the inside. Thirdly, it’s not exclusive to men, women can have them too. Finally, orgasms reverberate over the entire body, not just the one spot. More significantly though, this information has been with us for thousands of years.

Most whole body orgasms in fact, occur through Taoist (pronounced ‘Dow-ist’) practice. Those into Tai-chi, Yoga or martial arts know the word ‘practice’ indicates no final result, but that the journey is all. The individual is ‘work-in-progress’, reflecting the changes within you and in life generally.

But is it worth it?  
Imagine the best sex smile you’ve ever had – the one with a partner you connected with or didn’t want to run away from post coitus. Take that warmth, love and happiness from you laughing together and somehow, place that positive feeling into your arms and hands, legs and feet, head and brain, torso – and then of course your sexual organs and erogenous zones. Then feel it sustain from anything from fifteen minutes to an hour. Yes, yes, it’s worth it.

A new realisation of the power of the living world hits you, humbling and elevating you both at once. Its only psychobabble if you don’t…practice.

How does it work?
All the action takes place in an intimate area for both sexes, the space between the genitalia and the anus. A nickname for this place is ‘nifkin’ or ‘gooch’. Have fun with those words today. The proper word is the aforementioned ‘perineum’.

Above this is the pubococcygeus (pew-bo-cox-ij-ee-yus) or ‘PC’ muscle, between the pelvis and tailbone at the base of your spine. Here, it controls urine flow and contracts during orgasm. By ‘pulsing’ or tensing and relaxing this muscle (try it now, no one can see) you will get a hint of the latent power within you. An aid to practicing this ‘pulsing’ is through pressure on the perineum or ‘The Million-Gold Piece Point’ – this was the price it cost to get a Taoist master of ancient times to show you where it was – these days it’s called ‘Million Dollar Point’.  Apply three fingers here, where the urethra passes near to the skin – the place exerting the control of the flow of your pee. Pressing this point can you get you to a point where you no longer need manual assistance.

Some may recognize this as the appropriated ‘Kegel exercise’ formulated by famous gynecologist, Dr. Arnold Kegel, in Los Angeles during the 1940s. He found that clenching and unclenching the PC muscle strengthens and tones, so reducing pelvic floor problems in women. They are also good for treating vaginal and uterine prolapse, while helping with urinary incontinence in both genders. Time for a picture of a man's bits and pieces.

"To be greedy for feminine beauty and emit beyond one's vigour injures every vein, nerve, and organ in the body, and gives rise to every illness.”  In effect girls, when he does learn to control his oozing, he won’t turn over and start…snoozing.

What is interesting for men is the idea of limitlessness. The rest or refractory period – in physiology when the organ stops working in order to reenergize – can eventually be non-existence as multiple orgasms can be sustained. Practitioners point out that focus over a long period is needed, that is, until you feel the waves of gratification pull you to more intense sensations. Generally, men (yang) have to hold on to reach their personal nirvana while women (yin) tend to have to let go.

This is all such good news, should it not be on the news every night (maybe squeezing out the sixth repeat of Two and Half Men?) so that we are all getting it? How happy we are when we sate the senses and our sexual cravings? How much more relaxed and harmonious we would feel with others. Or slightly suspicious of the smiley perve sitting rather too quietly at the bar.

The Book of Kinky Sex Games: Kink, Fetish and BDSM Through Adult Play advocates adding whole body orgasmic practice to any or all of your kinky sessions. See Game 20: The Mindblower

The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets every Man Should Know; Mantak Chia, Douglas Abrams; HarperSanFransisco (amazon.com – prices vary)

The Multi Orgasmic Woman: Mantak Chia and Rachel Carlton Abrams; Rodale Books (amazon.com – prices vary)