But without wishing to sound like a naff half-Movembered 'Dad' I think you as a member of the kink fraternity need to be ahead of the curves on this one.
Namely that you need to be aware this book was written by a man, for women, exclusively.
From what I've read it seems based on training females how to please men.
Yes, this is obvious. And, speaking as a man, and a man who has written a book and app on perverted sex practices I have to say this is a good idea, for men to communicate and let women know what they like. But here I think such 'advice' can have the potential to mislead people – of all genders – into a world of where the result is mistreatment and subservience via misguidance. For a start the tips assumes the author is speaking for the pleasure of all men, which he is not.
Fucking someone/being fucked in the backside can hurt if they're/you're not relaxed.
Worse still it can traumatize the receiver if they have been cajoled, egged on or peer pressured to do it. Man, woman, transgender, even some of the author's 'bad girls' – with or without a strap on. What the article neglects to say is that not everyone wants anal. And yes, not all guys want to give or receive it.
Let's really get down to it, here is my rebuttal.
This is grown-up play awareness now.
Here are some things I didn't read in this post about how to have great anal sex...
But for those who do want to engage in anal sex then the both of you need to...
- Secure consent that you both really want to do it
- Talk about it before, during and after to support each other
- Get the mood right: using warm light, temperature, music, location, etc
- Wash (!) and clean and hopefully smell good
- Take time and patience with each other
- Breathe and relax your body, not forcing against resistance
- See slow penetration as extended foreplay if you or your partner is not ready
- Cease activity if there is a problem and move straight to aftercare
- Make sure you don't mix up holes in case you spread infection or encourage health risks (see questions check below)
- Make sure you are or have prepared (towels, wipes, disposal bags etc) for any 'whoops... awkward...' mess
Anal penetration is a profoundly kinky act.
And one of the go-to central acts of a pervert's repertoire. But this is because it deepens the eroticism, sensuality and connection between consenting, loving partners. This is because you are actively doing the list of things above thus strengthening your connecting.
In a sendaround blog-post you can't not head up the safety aspects.
This is a bit reckless. Okay, I know, it sounds like I'm spoiling the sport, the thrill, the kink of a balls-emptying buggery. But really, as all good perverts know, the communing preliminary, during and afterward attention is what makes kink the thing.
Perhaps to you 'anal' can be a cold and brutal way of being intimate, so therefore isn't.
It can be if its bad. But if you have adult play awareness then accessing your primal sides is great fun. Just don't ever default to monkey or encourage monkey behaviour by trying too hard because a book told you 'that's how men want it'. Pictures, positions and tips are excellent: but fantastic sex happens mostly in the mind: the list of ten tips above will be more invaluable to you and yours as you continue to practice.
So, to check: have you and your partner discussed how you're going to do these exciting anal positions? It's not just one person that should be excited because they've read a post on Facebook to make them expert in bed. The information needs to be shared. It's about getting excited together. Not one person being the expert...receptacle... just to please the other.
You have to ask each other:
Does this person really care about me and want to show me a fun time?
Is this person responsible enough to check the following questions with me?
You shouldn't feel afraid to check these questions with each other.
Do you know that each other has had recent all-clear from the sexual health clinic?
What's the latest advice on STDs from the NHS, and do you both know that most STDS – chlamydia, gonorrhea, infectious hepatitis and HIV – are transferable from the anus to the vagina?
Have you discussed contraception?
Who's buying the lubricant?
These are not fuddy-duddy, uncool in-the-way questions. They are the basis for loving, trust-building FAQs to make a way for brilliant congress between you and your consenting mate.
For more non-gender specific and facilitational kink, fetish and BDSM fun and safety please check out my book and app.
Have a brilliant time together,