Howdy hi the Fetish Fly
Today I thought we'd have some fun with ten fetish and BDSM cliché stereotypes we've met or even been at some stage in our kink careers at clubs, bondage bars, private parties or sexy soirées.

If you're continually being worn out by these cheesy people (or phases!) then perhaps it's time to take a little break from the fetish scene. Maybe your strap-on was getting between you as well. Or the way you were leaning on your huge medieval axe. I know for sure I've been through these phases (though not a fetish model... yet) and none of us are ever 100% on our game game.
But we can always laugh at ourselves. Just remember, as they say: good humility is not about thinking less of yourself, but more... thinking about yourself less. Or something cheesy like that.

1. Needy Sub
We all know who he or she is: That person who is just hanging about. That shadow just behind waiting for an interaction, happy to be mute, yet... attentive. Because you now both know of course that every interaction has become a turn-on power thing that's just bound to escalate into club-stalking and early hours tears. Then perhaps a post-rejection flouncy slag-off to mutual acquaintances.

What to do
Let them know your play is not a prelude to marriage.
Seek out someone that would be a perfect match for them.
Never swap numbers.
Change your numbers.
Throw your phone in a river and change your identity.

2. Agendarist
This person you can see coming because they are RIGHT THERE blocking out or being the actual light in the room. Huge egos, huge presence and general owner of the planet and they know it. Problem with that? No problem: They are the elephant in the room. They have a plan, they have their turn-ons and that's attractive. Until they begin to hate you for asking too many questions or daring to have your own needs.

What to do
Don't confuse their confidence with confidence, they're most likely slightly psycho and lacking normal emotions. And don't be turned on by that.
And having ignored me, know what you're getting into with research and advice from friends.
If you don't know, then don't rely on someone solely because they seem very exciting.
Or listen to their gaming dares.
Or take their drugs. Or drink the first drink they hand you straight away.
They will not send flowers or chocolate.

3. Cool Kink Kid
The secretly newbie who bluffs and bluffs until they have a very bad boyfriend/girlfriend kink experience with Jack Daniels and needles and never do kink again. That late teenager, early twenty-something who knows completely everything before their time, and really, really could not possibly have done so without 'time' itself.

What to do
Watch the straps come off your limbs as you rotate round a Bondage Wheel 360 degrees as the cool kink kid shrugs and/or laughs in the face of basic safety.
This may still turn you on, I don't know.

4. Personality Clash
'I think it's because I might have Apserger's' says Mr or Miss Personality Clash on a routine basis after finding that people have taken exception to their poor taste 'humour'. They may still believe the actual punk band Clash didn't go to public school and were really punk. Personality Clash is slightly at war with themselves, but the dynamic tension is everything and 'what it's all about', certainly their proud right to be a cunt or cunty, because it's cool and either Mad Max primal or feminist or the seeming lifestyle incarnation of Prodigy records. They may have shaved the side of their head if they're not a full-blown lifestyler.

What to do
Agree with everything they say without saying anything, then slowly back away when others join you.
Put up with with the 24/7 abusive narcissism just so you can share your love of candle-wax and pegging until you realise there are others who love these kinks without talking incessant cider-fueled blather. Or spending all your money in the name of anarchy.

5. Fetish Photo Man
The guy who pretends he won't stay up half the night cracking off his semi-hard whistle while engaged in serious Photoshop 'production' of his images before uploading or 'offloading'. He has complete control and a £3000 digital camera which he'll suddenly place in your face and snap in a premature emulation of his bedroom prowess.

What to do:
Girls and Dandies:
Just remember to sift the pros from the woes with this rhyme:
If he asks and produces a card
Or if he's wearing a lanyard.

6. I'm Into Fetish Model
Girl.
Latex dress.
Optional piercing or tattoo.
Has 2,012 followers on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.
Height: 4ft 4" high.
In heels: 6ft 3".
Loves being photographed to intensify her vanity issues vortex.
Good at saluting in military outfits.
Not actually into kink, fetish or BDSM. "No wait, I like that financial domming, that's the one where men send you money isn't it?"

What to do:
Guys: There's nothing you can do.
Guys: But maybe you can take drugs with her to indicate that you are also wild and fun or buy drinks to pour into the aforementioned vortex, but remember none of it is a pre-discussed sex game or a prelude to her actually talking to you.

7. Gang Wangers
They're in a gang and they wear similar clothes and stand in the middle of the club to indicate their importance while not smiling. Everything around them is not good enough, except perhaps someone taking their photograph or handing them drink or drugs. Or showing them a picture of themselves.

What to do:
Admire, copy and lust after them, but remember you can never be a true Gang Wanger.

8. Tops Off Boy
Usually in their twenties with long rock hair. Pretty and pretty slutty. Surprisingly Ann Summers interest in kink verified by no dress code top off and black trousers. Alright then, with a studded belt. Annoyingly clueless, extremely hyper or overly laidback, yet fuckable to the ladies, and always in the way of the men.

What to do:
Girls: Tell them to kneel down, face down for ten minutes as a loyalty test. Then walk off.

9. Burley-Esque Corset Girl
What would the corset and pastie trade do without the Burley-Esque girl? The thing is, these stereotypes usually smile and are up for a few laughs, so it's hard to poke fun at them. Nor very kind.

What to do:
Talk about cake, crisps, pizza and chocolate.
Guys: Buy them cake, crisps, pizza and chocolate.

Dr. I Don't Do Labels
It's hard to avoid clichés in the kink, fetish and BDSM world, as some archetypes really get us going: Except the PhD graduate-knows-more-than-you-about-social-sciences. The doctors never seem to know enough to integrate with others successfully, having intellectualized themselves off the pitch of play. Yes, we all know what they mean, but does it have to be so mentally anguished? Yes it does, because it explains why they haven't addressed their lack of social intelligence.

What to do:
Ask them a question and watch them assume that by subsequently listening to their half-hour lecture you are actually connecting. Oh, don't worry about being mean, they are enjoying themselves.

Thank you for reading
Kink safe

Jackson ; )

The internationally rave-reviewed: The Book of Kinky Sex Games
Don't forget my book and app has 13 standalone chapters helping you to negotiate the kink, fetish and BDSM lifetsyle. As well as 69 sex games taking you through 100 fetishes and kinks.

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Howdy hi my awesome alt-lovers,

So yes, as the title suggests, I did this Kink film Q & A.
Yes and this blog is a very tardy report of it, so I need spanking. A month late in fact.
But hey, being an obssessive, some thoughts about kink remain, literally.

Firstly I was asked, along with three others to comment on the 2013 film Kink showing at the Duke of Yorks Komedia as part of the Eyes Wide Open season for Brighton Pride.
Kink is a documentary about the online hardcore BDSM porn enterprise Kink.com – produced by James Franco (you know, the Green Goblin's son, erm, Green Goblin from Spiderman 1 & 2. You know, the guy who last his arm under a boulder in 127 hours).

Apparently he's dragged up a few times for PR but does this mean he himself is a transvestite? And does this means he's kinky or gobbling anything green? On the record Franco has an avid interest in sexual expression through performance art, so it sounds to me he's more a sexplorer. (And Howl is a brilliantly unique poetry film and I urge you to see it).

Anyhoot.

THE FILM

What Kink came across to me was a bit like a BDSM Spinal Tap without the script.
That's not to belittle it or not to find the film joyous, for what we see is the whole gamut of this company's hardcore BDSM porn making. This makes for some amazing gems of power dynamic and beyond ridiculousness that frankly, only the number one kink porn film complex situated in the San Francisco Armory could provide.

I laughed a lot.
Some around me were not sure if you were supposed to laugh, but when one of the directors (on screen) is complaining about a BDSM actor being distracted in a scene while being distracted herself, the irony is plain to see. And it's these moments that Kink director Christina Voros did well not to leave on the cutting room floor, instances that revealed a truer human experience and help you buy into the film beyond the healthy suspicion that it was all some kind of sponsored promotional spin-off.

Thinking about it, Peter Acworth – the web entrepreneur behind a series of sites ranging from Kink.com to Hogtied and Divine Bitches – didn't have to open the studios doors to anyone else's cameras delving the journalistic deep or hoping to find an alternative entertainment value. He could have commissioned his own team.

This was a good move then because the non-intrusive yet candid film-style gave us many classic moments:
The remonstration of a dominant actor's manhandling-style by the director;
The untrustworthily hammy bitches of an disillusioned career performer; 
The chaotic but well-swerved near-disaster of a naive female actor's change of heart during a play rape filming; and
The mega-buck big numbers casually discussed in the accounts room as Acworth and his directors looked to improve their service for account holders.

Outrageous enough for vanilla viewers, these scenes still proved fascinating for kinksters like my friends and I as we reveled in the D/S dynamics being planned, shot and supervised by the 'superdomming' of the porn directors: this they did of course in order to meet the criteria of saleable hardcore entertainment.

THE Q& A

After a pro-domme and an obscenity lawyer dropped out, my 'colleague' Aesthetic Synthetic blogger Rachel James and I were left to debate and field questions about kink, pornography, feminism and the film itself. Perhaps our absent friends could have provided more direct insight, but afterwards we were told the post-film discussion was the best the cinema had had thus far, so we survived!

The audience bizarrely contained two sexworkers, two pornographers and a porn actor (that we knew of by asking questions) so we had some excellent further opinions and perspectives. There were a few points I think worth noting here, and I'd like to tackle the last question actually asked, first, because it's the most useful for clarification.

What's the difference between kink and BDSM?
This was asked I think because of the confusion created by marketing. Firstly the film was called Kink because the site is called Kink.com, but then in the first minute the film typographs the dictionary definition of BDSM on the screen. What Kink.com has done is taken the umbrella term to cover all of its hardcore porn services.

Kink doesn't mean hardcore porn, nor does it mean just bondage or just S&M or just hardcore sex. Kink simply means a sexual deviation, a different way of doing sex that is outside the norm. BDSM (Bondage, Discipline – Dominance, Submission – Sadism and Masochism) are some of the kinky things that you can get involved with if you like. On the one hand the name appropriation is clever marketing, but the majority of kinky practices don't take place in an armory in San Fransisco. Nor are they filmed or a globally successful business.

Is the feminism affected by this kind of hardcore porn?
I've generalized this question from a lengthy discussion as I know some present at the Q & A were not for porn because they felt it subjugates women or at least had the potential to, while a few sexworkers and performers in the audience felt it demeaned their choices not to have the right to do what they want with their bodies.

Personally I don't 'use' porn but I feel people of any gender should do what they want, whether be in it or watch it, as long as they don't hurt themselves or others (without consent!). With its proliferation, piracy and streaming it also seems that modern porn industry may be on the backfoot financially, which leaves the question down to any performer in the digital age, will they do it for the money or the love of it?

As regards respect to subs, doms, men and women of all persuasions, Kink.com do have before and after interviews and do seem to be transparent with both their safety and their hardcore intentions, so you can't really take issue with them, For one, they doing exactly what they advertise, and two, all their performers seemed madly keen to be there.

What about the censorship question?
Kink porn has to be difficult for censorship because legislation doesn't deal in moral rights and wrongs, it deals in pure law, and I'm not convinced you can fully legislate the difference when there are consenting naked people on film getting off with each other. The grey areas regarding straight porn slip over into the BDSM world where I think a majority of kink pleasure films pertaining to fetish and practice without penetration aren't actually pure porn. So it must be a minefield to either judge or fight for.

What aspects of BDSM culture, lifestyle, and pornography are missing from the film?
My answer to this was: Loving couples, privacy, monogamist relationships: which make up 90% of kink relationships: if we measure kink from the people we know tying or dressing up for sex. But of course many working for Kink.com were having fun or enjoying their work, and had justified their own polyamorous or transient positions and performance criteria. Personally I promote the idea that loving consenting couples should seek to realise their fantasies for real and a film called Kink might come across as misrepresentative. And yes I have a book for sale.

What are some common misconceptions about BDSM and how successful is the film in dispelling them? The most common misunderstanding is that BDSM practice is NOT dangerous, because this is about the people actually doing it who try and be too cool or bluff that they know what they're doing. But the film itself is fun rather than exploring how things can go wrong, and even then it shows and that Kink.com is aware that it could go wrong, and that the directors have contingencies for these eventualities. I think all that was missing from the film was some more naysayers not happy with the enterprise – for the sake of balance – but perhaps there aren't any, or were they... gagged?
Which is a gag in itself if you think about it.

I'll stop now.

Take care and kink well
Jackson x