Howdy hi the Fetish Fly
Today I thought we'd have some fun with ten fetish and BDSM cliché stereotypes we've met or even been at some stage in our kink careers at clubs, bondage bars, private parties or sexy soirées.
If you're continually being worn out by these cheesy people (or phases!) then perhaps it's time to take a little break from the fetish scene. Maybe your strap-on was getting between you as well. Or the way you were leaning on your huge medieval axe. I know for sure I've been through these phases (though not a fetish model... yet) and none of us are ever 100% on our game game.
But we can always laugh at ourselves. Just remember, as they say: good humility is not about thinking less of yourself, but more... thinking about yourself less. Or something cheesy like that.
1. Needy Sub
We all know who he or she is: That person who is just hanging about. That shadow just behind waiting for an interaction, happy to be mute, yet... attentive. Because you now both know of course that every interaction has become a turn-on power thing that's just bound to escalate into club-stalking and early hours tears. Then perhaps a post-rejection flouncy slag-off to mutual acquaintances.
What to do
Let them know your play is not a prelude to marriage.
Seek out someone that would be a perfect match for them.
Never swap numbers.
Change your numbers.
Throw your phone in a river and change your identity.
2. Agendarist
This person you can see coming because they are RIGHT THERE blocking out or being the actual light in the room. Huge egos, huge presence and general owner of the planet and they know it. Problem with that? No problem: They are the elephant in the room. They have a plan, they have their turn-ons and that's attractive. Until they begin to hate you for asking too many questions or daring to have your own needs.
What to do
Don't confuse their confidence with confidence, they're most likely slightly psycho and lacking normal emotions. And don't be turned on by that.
And having ignored me, know what you're getting into with research and advice from friends.
If you don't know, then don't rely on someone solely because they seem very exciting.
Or listen to their gaming dares.
Or take their drugs. Or drink the first drink they hand you straight away.
They will not send flowers or chocolate.
3. Cool Kink Kid
The secretly newbie who bluffs and bluffs until they have a very bad boyfriend/girlfriend kink experience with Jack Daniels and needles and never do kink again. That late teenager, early twenty-something who knows completely everything before their time, and really, really could not possibly have done so without 'time' itself.
What to do
Watch the straps come off your limbs as you rotate round a Bondage Wheel 360 degrees as the cool kink kid shrugs and/or laughs in the face of basic safety.
This may still turn you on, I don't know.
4. Personality Clash
'I think it's because I might have Apserger's' says Mr or Miss Personality Clash on a routine basis after finding that people have taken exception to their poor taste 'humour'. They may still believe the actual punk band Clash didn't go to public school and were really punk. Personality Clash is slightly at war with themselves, but the dynamic tension is everything and 'what it's all about', certainly their proud right to be a cunt or cunty, because it's cool and either Mad Max primal or feminist or the seeming lifestyle incarnation of Prodigy records. They may have shaved the side of their head if they're not a full-blown lifestyler.
What to do
Agree with everything they say without saying anything, then slowly back away when others join you.
Put up with with the 24/7 abusive narcissism just so you can share your love of candle-wax and pegging until you realise there are others who love these kinks without talking incessant cider-fueled blather. Or spending all your money in the name of anarchy.
5. Fetish Photo Man
The guy who pretends he won't stay up half the night cracking off his semi-hard whistle while engaged in serious Photoshop 'production' of his images before uploading or 'offloading'. He has complete control and a £3000 digital camera which he'll suddenly place in your face and snap in a premature emulation of his bedroom prowess.
What to do:
Girls and Dandies:
Just remember to sift the pros from the woes with this rhyme:
If he asks and produces a card
Or if he's wearing a lanyard.
6. I'm Into Fetish Model
Girl.
Latex dress.
Optional piercing or tattoo.
Has 2,012 followers on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.
Height: 4ft 4" high.
In heels: 6ft 3".
Loves being photographed to intensify her vanity issues vortex.
Good at saluting in military outfits.
Not actually into kink, fetish or BDSM. "No wait, I like that financial domming, that's the one where men send you money isn't it?"
What to do:
Guys: There's nothing you can do.
Guys: But maybe you can take drugs with her to indicate that you are also wild and fun or buy drinks to pour into the aforementioned vortex, but remember none of it is a pre-discussed sex game or a prelude to her actually talking to you.
7. Gang Wangers
They're in a gang and they wear similar clothes and stand in the middle of the club to indicate their importance while not smiling. Everything around them is not good enough, except perhaps someone taking their photograph or handing them drink or drugs. Or showing them a picture of themselves.
What to do:
Admire, copy and lust after them, but remember you can never be a true Gang Wanger.
8. Tops Off Boy
Usually in their twenties with long rock hair. Pretty and pretty slutty. Surprisingly Ann Summers interest in kink verified by no dress code top off and black trousers. Alright then, with a studded belt. Annoyingly clueless, extremely hyper or overly laidback, yet fuckable to the ladies, and always in the way of the men.
What to do:
Girls: Tell them to kneel down, face down for ten minutes as a loyalty test. Then walk off.
9. Burley-Esque Corset Girl
What would the corset and pastie trade do without the Burley-Esque girl? The thing is, these stereotypes usually smile and are up for a few laughs, so it's hard to poke fun at them. Nor very kind.
What to do:
Talk about cake, crisps, pizza and chocolate.
Guys: Buy them cake, crisps, pizza and chocolate.
Dr. I Don't Do Labels
It's hard to avoid clichés in the kink, fetish and BDSM world, as some archetypes really get us going: Except the PhD graduate-knows-more-than-you-about-social-sciences. The doctors never seem to know enough to integrate with others successfully, having intellectualized themselves off the pitch of play. Yes, we all know what they mean, but does it have to be so mentally anguished? Yes it does, because it explains why they haven't addressed their lack of social intelligence.
What to do:
Ask them a question and watch them assume that by subsequently listening to their half-hour lecture you are actually connecting. Oh, don't worry about being mean, they are enjoying themselves.
Thank you for reading
Kink safe
Jackson ; )
The internationally rave-reviewed: The Book of Kinky Sex Games
Don't forget my book and app has 13 standalone chapters helping you to negotiate the kink, fetish and BDSM lifetsyle. As well as 69 sex games taking you through 100 fetishes and kinks.
Back up visuals on Pinterest here. 89 boards, 3,000 pins.
Back up information here on Facebook.
Today I thought we'd have some fun with ten fetish and BDSM cliché stereotypes we've met or even been at some stage in our kink careers at clubs, bondage bars, private parties or sexy soirées.
If you're continually being worn out by these cheesy people (or phases!) then perhaps it's time to take a little break from the fetish scene. Maybe your strap-on was getting between you as well. Or the way you were leaning on your huge medieval axe. I know for sure I've been through these phases (though not a fetish model... yet) and none of us are ever 100% on our game game.
But we can always laugh at ourselves. Just remember, as they say: good humility is not about thinking less of yourself, but more... thinking about yourself less. Or something cheesy like that.
1. Needy Sub
We all know who he or she is: That person who is just hanging about. That shadow just behind waiting for an interaction, happy to be mute, yet... attentive. Because you now both know of course that every interaction has become a turn-on power thing that's just bound to escalate into club-stalking and early hours tears. Then perhaps a post-rejection flouncy slag-off to mutual acquaintances.
What to do
Let them know your play is not a prelude to marriage.
Seek out someone that would be a perfect match for them.
Never swap numbers.
Change your numbers.
Throw your phone in a river and change your identity.
2. Agendarist
This person you can see coming because they are RIGHT THERE blocking out or being the actual light in the room. Huge egos, huge presence and general owner of the planet and they know it. Problem with that? No problem: They are the elephant in the room. They have a plan, they have their turn-ons and that's attractive. Until they begin to hate you for asking too many questions or daring to have your own needs.
What to do
Don't confuse their confidence with confidence, they're most likely slightly psycho and lacking normal emotions. And don't be turned on by that.
And having ignored me, know what you're getting into with research and advice from friends.
If you don't know, then don't rely on someone solely because they seem very exciting.
Or listen to their gaming dares.
Or take their drugs. Or drink the first drink they hand you straight away.
They will not send flowers or chocolate.
3. Cool Kink Kid
The secretly newbie who bluffs and bluffs until they have a very bad boyfriend/girlfriend kink experience with Jack Daniels and needles and never do kink again. That late teenager, early twenty-something who knows completely everything before their time, and really, really could not possibly have done so without 'time' itself.
What to do
Watch the straps come off your limbs as you rotate round a Bondage Wheel 360 degrees as the cool kink kid shrugs and/or laughs in the face of basic safety.
This may still turn you on, I don't know.
4. Personality Clash
'I think it's because I might have Apserger's' says Mr or Miss Personality Clash on a routine basis after finding that people have taken exception to their poor taste 'humour'. They may still believe the actual punk band Clash didn't go to public school and were really punk. Personality Clash is slightly at war with themselves, but the dynamic tension is everything and 'what it's all about', certainly their proud right to be a cunt or cunty, because it's cool and either Mad Max primal or feminist or the seeming lifestyle incarnation of Prodigy records. They may have shaved the side of their head if they're not a full-blown lifestyler.
What to do
Agree with everything they say without saying anything, then slowly back away when others join you.
Put up with with the 24/7 abusive narcissism just so you can share your love of candle-wax and pegging until you realise there are others who love these kinks without talking incessant cider-fueled blather. Or spending all your money in the name of anarchy.
5. Fetish Photo Man
The guy who pretends he won't stay up half the night cracking off his semi-hard whistle while engaged in serious Photoshop 'production' of his images before uploading or 'offloading'. He has complete control and a £3000 digital camera which he'll suddenly place in your face and snap in a premature emulation of his bedroom prowess.
What to do:
Girls and Dandies:
Just remember to sift the pros from the woes with this rhyme:
If he asks and produces a card
Or if he's wearing a lanyard.
6. I'm Into Fetish Model
Girl.
Latex dress.
Optional piercing or tattoo.
Has 2,012 followers on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.
Height: 4ft 4" high.
In heels: 6ft 3".
Loves being photographed to intensify her vanity issues vortex.
Good at saluting in military outfits.
Not actually into kink, fetish or BDSM. "No wait, I like that financial domming, that's the one where men send you money isn't it?"
What to do:
Guys: There's nothing you can do.
Guys: But maybe you can take drugs with her to indicate that you are also wild and fun or buy drinks to pour into the aforementioned vortex, but remember none of it is a pre-discussed sex game or a prelude to her actually talking to you.
7. Gang Wangers
They're in a gang and they wear similar clothes and stand in the middle of the club to indicate their importance while not smiling. Everything around them is not good enough, except perhaps someone taking their photograph or handing them drink or drugs. Or showing them a picture of themselves.
What to do:
Admire, copy and lust after them, but remember you can never be a true Gang Wanger.
8. Tops Off Boy
Usually in their twenties with long rock hair. Pretty and pretty slutty. Surprisingly Ann Summers interest in kink verified by no dress code top off and black trousers. Alright then, with a studded belt. Annoyingly clueless, extremely hyper or overly laidback, yet fuckable to the ladies, and always in the way of the men.
What to do:
Girls: Tell them to kneel down, face down for ten minutes as a loyalty test. Then walk off.
9. Burley-Esque Corset Girl
What would the corset and pastie trade do without the Burley-Esque girl? The thing is, these stereotypes usually smile and are up for a few laughs, so it's hard to poke fun at them. Nor very kind.
What to do:
Talk about cake, crisps, pizza and chocolate.
Guys: Buy them cake, crisps, pizza and chocolate.
Dr. I Don't Do Labels
It's hard to avoid clichés in the kink, fetish and BDSM world, as some archetypes really get us going: Except the PhD graduate-knows-more-than-you-about-social-sciences. The doctors never seem to know enough to integrate with others successfully, having intellectualized themselves off the pitch of play. Yes, we all know what they mean, but does it have to be so mentally anguished? Yes it does, because it explains why they haven't addressed their lack of social intelligence.
What to do:
Ask them a question and watch them assume that by subsequently listening to their half-hour lecture you are actually connecting. Oh, don't worry about being mean, they are enjoying themselves.
Thank you for reading
Kink safe
Jackson ; )
The internationally rave-reviewed: The Book of Kinky Sex Games
Don't forget my book and app has 13 standalone chapters helping you to negotiate the kink, fetish and BDSM lifetsyle. As well as 69 sex games taking you through 100 fetishes and kinks.
Back up visuals on Pinterest here. 89 boards, 3,000 pins.
Back up information here on Facebook.
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