Frequently Asked Questions
Here are some FAQs from The Book of Kinky Sex Games updated with answers for new readers and newbies to the Android app and website
What’s your background?
I’m a fetish lifestyle writer, editor and journalist from the UK with 20 years experience in and out of the kink scene observing and practising alternative adult sex. More recently I’ve been a blogger for two international kink webzines while for the last three years I’ve been compiling this book and app.
Have you done all these games then?
Most of them. Some are variants and others were recommended to me. I have enjoyed everything here in one way or another. The thing is, the games are templates or starting points for sessions. You could mix them up, double them up... take from one and put it with another, as I did learning all these practices.
Do I have to follow the games precisely?
Yes and no. Up to you. The way they are written is both prescriptive (for those looking for guidance) and to provide flexibility.
Where do you get your authority?
From my experience and observations. Mostly from honesty in seeing how not to do things. I'm not sure having a doctorate would help convince you of my expertise, as I won't be there during the session. What I've written is facilitational, enabling you and your partner to make informed choices from the best, most safest ways of practising kink, fetish and BDSM around. Ultimately the authority always comes from you and your partner.
How safe is safe?
The safety information found in this book has been commonly agreed upon by expert practitioners, and as well as this I have also re-researched, updated and expanded all the advice for the sake of not getting our wires crossed – this is and has been a very important process, as for some reason, with kink, people’s minds tend to race, jump ahead or short-circuit to assumption or projection. But: if you read the legal disclaimer at the head of this website and in the front of the book and app you will note that the onus is on you to abide by our basic tenets of adult play, and if you don't, then you are in conflict with the positive message of our work.
How extreme is the book?
The book has it's own set of hard limits, which are outlined on the freebies page. And try the Have we gone too far? passage on the right-hand-side of the book and app page.
Can you recommend a good fetish night?
See the calendar above. And there's stacks of fetish lifestyle advice in The Book of Kinky Sex Games in the thirteen chapters called Getting Your Kinks. If you have something more specific get in touch and I'll send some bespoke ideas.
Are you sub or dom?
I'm what is known as a switch, I get to enjoy both perspectives.
What are your fetishes?
Ooh, why, what are yours? I like a lot of stuff, but the mains ones are rubber (latex as clothes), leather and PVC and certain looks like tattoos, bob hair and glasses. Like anyone really? Honestly, I think this stuff looks better on women. Mozart was into fur, just thought I'd add that.
Are you responding to the Fifty Shades boom?
I started the book and app in 2010 and had been cooking up the ideas for some time before that, so, no. The sudden populist interest in BDSM appears like it’s happened overnight, but it's been on a steady curve for the past ten years. Plus, my motives are primarily educational, inspired by a passion for the practices.
What do you think of Fifty Shades, is it proper kink?
There's no such thing as proper kink, only proper safety techniques: It's the adult play that you and your partner practise with each other that counts. I mean, who or where are you going to ask for a validation from when you've just come? The fictitious couple in the book, they work it out together don't they? Kink is a means to a beautiful end.
What were your original intentions for the book and app?
The idea is to provide something we haven't seen before, a definitive guide to kink with a positive spin that explains not only how but why, to help enlighten and stop fear monkeys taking the piss – and spreading ignorance – because they're scared of it.
Why did you change the name from 'Filthy' to 'Kinky Sex Games'? The book used to be called 'Filthy Sex Games' but that was me not realising to the extent to which people are accepting of kink now – I thought I had to give it a 'straight' title to pull in curious vanillas. But I also needed to distance the title from common porn, as I was becoming uncomfortable with it. This guide and these games are for loving consenting couples. And now I don't have to explain the title.
But these games tell you how to do everything, is that right?
The analogy I would use is that what you are reading is a recipe book and you and your partner are both cooking together with a choice more than a 100 popular kink ingredients.
Where can I get a paperback?
That's next. First we are consolidating our relationship at Smashwords with an ePub version designed for Sony, iPad, Kobo and Nook reading devices. And watch this space, we'll alert you on Twitter and Facebook.
Are you a swinger?
No, I'm a monogamous – heterosexual – kinkster, which I sometimes think works against me. But we soldier on. I've been to swinger parties and always end up finding a private room if I meet someone I like who likes me back. It's the Scorpio in me.
Why aren't there many men out and fronting kink?
Actually there are, you just have to seek them out. Author Jay Wiseman and publishers Tim Woodward, Marcus T.Grimme and Peter W. Czernich spring to mind. They run businesses and have dedicated their lives to their passions. I think what you mean is why isn't anyone notable on the telly or in the news speaking about kink? I've already been asked by a major TV channel, but in the end I felt they were likely compromise my principles and diminish kink in that particular project. Please do get in touch if you have a serious, doable idea in mind.
Why did you write this book?
I was horrified seeing newcomers getting the safety techniques and communication terribly wrong at fetish clubs – one incident in particular which I won't go into for now. In other words, there was no real safety, nor respect for the practices, so no respect for others or themselves.
What makes the games filthy then? Why did you not call it The Book of Fetish Sex Games? I want as many people to read The Book of Kinky Sex Games as possible. More will find the word kinky more exciting than fetish; and the latter word has also been misunderstood, misconstrued and misused. Hopefully it will help build an understanding to the wonderful world of fetish and consensual kink and BDSM practices. But of course, with this kind of thing, it's each to their own, so my games are like tasters and mini-starter guides, to the fetish or practice involved.
Are you going to write a book for the LGBT scene?
I already have, most of the adult play scenarios in The Book of Kinky Sex Games are inclusively non-gender specific. The language is usually 'you and your partner' or 'active and passive partner', it doesn't assume to know your persuasions. Ultimately this stems from me having a blank canvass attitude to towards people until their personality (or mine) gets in the way. Fetish parties usually are an umbrella for 'everyone else' not going to Everyclub in the High Street on a Saturday Night'. And yet, in both places you'll still overhear people discussing their broken fridge or their sweatshop chic guilt, and be as everyday human as each other. So my book is for all consenting adults.
Are you sponsored?
No, not really. Though we have started to seek help and investment from leading fetish and kink retailers, locally, nationally and overseas – those with an excellent reputation for customer service and quality gear and toys. You can see some of the ads on this site for example from Nice 'n' Naughty , for six years voted Best Adult retail Chain in the UK. We like working with them because they're friendly and they are informed. They are easy to recommend too because their ranges are both affordable for beginners to have fun and experiment, while the the top of the line stuff is suitable for intermediate and advanced players looking to invest more in something long term.
Why aren't there any pictures in your book?
Because we want to engage the imagination. In most erotic fiction novels there are no pictures and we wanted the focus to be on the way we think kink. We also wanted to keep the price down and at any rate we are adding galleries to this website and have a number of game supportive moodboard galleries on Pinterest to kink-start your ideas. These are instantly clickable through our app too. In an era of online media an illustration of a whip seems a bit unnecessary.
Are you having a laugh?
If you're implying I'm treating it all like a joke then no, because I take my and other's work very seriously. The world of kink is fascinating to me, not least because I think it holds some of the keys to lasting relationships. Do I think humour belongs in BDSM, essentially yes, because essentially it's fun and humour can help relax us all. Also it can help deflate pomposity within the kink scene or the mockery without, because usually these perspectives need to embrace and connect with a less fear-imbued approach or commentary. For a blog on that, try this Facebook note.
You keep using the royal 'we' when describing your work, why is that?
It's because I ultimately represent the people that have helped myself and the app developers: friends, peers, reviewers, groups and testers; and those who who have either influenced or bought the book and make it an evolving thing. Jackson Rocco is now kind of a collective quality brand.
A recent interview you likened your Pain for Pleasure section in The Book of Kinky Sex Games as a 'butcher's description'. Weren't you offended by that?
Goodness, not at all. Everyone is going to seize upon language in their own way, and many will make two and two equal five. This is because getting down to why and how we do say, CP (corporal punishment) safely, without losing the excitement, is quite a powerful cocktail for the imagination. In some cases people will think you're the 'mean muscular masculine character', in others people will project that you are (or must be, even); and that's when they get to play the 'stricken in distress' role that somehow still remains non-complicitly on the moral high ground. I can do nothing if someone mistakenly sees me as 'meat merchant' when I actually am imparting information that improves the quality of their adult play or indeed helps save them from injury or God forbid, anything fatal. But I couldn't list 'where it's safe to hit' and 'where it's not safe to hit' in a more biologically direct way. It was an excellent and entertaining interview and I was given full right of reply without editing, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to discuss these things.
Is Jackson Rocco your real name?
It's my nom de plume.
Why haven't you used your real name, what are you hiding?
Oh we're all hiding something aren't we? Well, JR is my scene name and it's cooler than my real one. So it helps spread the word of positive kink and sell stuff to help me keep spreading the word. But it's also nice to have a demarcation between my fantasy lifestyle and my real one. They both interact, but I've found it advantageous not to to throw these ideas into people's faces and to win people over discreetly: only when they are ready to ask. If you Google-sleuth me (no doubt in five minutes) say I said 'hi'. Cheers.