The adventures of columnist feminist sub NICKY IVES, a churchgoing townie in her quest for kinky love in...
Recently has been a time of a highly unexpected case of the young uns.
I may be somewhat kink obsessed with a wardrobe full of dodgy fishnet and miniskirts and the odd corset (or three) but the truth is that I'm also a 30-something-year-old woman.
I'm running headlong into middle age.
And to be honest I can't WAIT to hit the big 40 so I can use my midlife crisis as an excuse to get myself a Harley, suit myself up in leathers from head to foot (mmmmmm, leather) and generally behave badly. But I digress.
The young uns.
I've never been the cougar type. Maybe it's because the cubs have never taken much of an interest in me before. I don't know.
But the week started with a 20-year-old American kid messaging me on a dating site (yes, I still dabble from time to time.) when I politely pointed out that I was:
1) old enough to be his mother, and
2) he was too far away; but that I
3) wished him the best of luck...
I was accused of being: 'ageist, and f***ing unintelligent.'
The young man also added that he didn't want my 'f***ing luck:'
I told him he had it anyway, it was mine to wish whether he liked it or not.
More defensive abuse followed, which, to be honest, made him seem even more like a teenager.
This time, an 18-year-old:
'Your evil little secret is safe with me. I love it when a girl squishes bugs.'
As I have no idea what in particular he was referring to in either part of that message, I declined to reply.
And last of all the very nice boy I see at my local pub.
We've chatted a few times, a little flirtation has taken place – but he is over much younger than me. And just to emphasise it, this one looks about ten years younger than he actually is.
Yes, I took him home with me.
Along with a friend who decided to come along and 'keep us company.'
This friend (barely out of his teens.... see a pattern here?!) didn't really get any of the subtle hints and stayed for a 'friendly chat' with a beer. Until I had to kick them both out.
Should I be flattered?
The only other time I've had the interest of someone younger was about six months ago when I had to escort a good (young!) friend of mine out of the bedroom when he insisted he 'couldn't find the spare room' at 3am.
And once again after that.
The kid was gorgeous, temptation was there.
But, see how I called him 'kid?'
When I take him home, I want to feed him.
And I know his mother... *shudders*
Any cougars out there wanna give me some pointers?
And how does one even begin to introduce the concept of kink to a man who looks like an alterboy?
Til next time...