Week 3

Sexuality. I finished last time by talking about the lovely female prison officer who most definitely liked my thigh high leather boots, enough to 'pat me down' at any given opportunity. 

I can't say I minded it that much. 
This isn't the first time a woman has displayed an interest in me, far from it! I get hit on by women pretty often, particularly in straight bars. Yet if I go to a gay bar, women ignore me like the plague. 

Go figure. 

So I often get asked if I'm straight or Bi. And the honest answer is, I can't answer that. On the surface, straight is the obvious one – romantically speaking, I've only been with men. 

The problem is that I don't think of people in gender... any more than I think of people in race or colour. 

"If I look at you
and a massive
bolt of lust runs
through me,
my pupils dilate"  

If I like you, I like you. 
If I find you attractive, I find you attractive. 
If I look at you and a massive bolt of lust runs through me, my pupils dilate and my imagination runs riot, my breath quickens, my... 

Well, you get the point ;-) 

Thus far, I'm straight.
That's not to say I haven't found women attractive, or even had the occasional seriously erotic dream involving a woman.
Or two.

Well, does that make me straight? 
Bisexual? Bi-curious? There are so many descriptions and titles out there and it becomes a veritable minefield when you get Googling. 

Does anyone ever really have such a definite idea about their sexuality? 
Or are most people kind of fluid about the whole thing? 

WHAT DO YOU THINK? (Comments below)

Till next time,
Nicky x

So this week was an interesting one – a trip to stay with family in a leafy City Suburb, with a do-gooder's visit to the local prison.  

Maybe I should explain a bit more...
My family are uber-religious church clergy – that's vicar to most people – who live a squeaky clean lifestyle and frown disapprovingly if I say something that sounds like I Want to Swear, but don't. 

Just the swearing tone of voice, the general attitude, is a no-no. Luckily they don't know I'm a kink-obsessed chick with a penchant for fishnet. Seriously, they don't know. 

My relatives, however, do know that I go out to the pub with mates on occasion (Ha!) and generally like to be sociable. They already think I've gone completely off the rails because I smoke, have the occasional beer, and believe in sex before marriage. Oops. 

It's like being home as a kid again. I'm always having to watch my language and behaviour, and dress like a freakin' nun. Which means that when I get back home I chain smoke, neck bottles of beer, and generally have a blast. 

Which brings me to the visit to the local jailhouse.
Which rocks, in a weird kind of way. But I have to be on my best behaviour – I don't think said Vicar really approved of the thigh high leather boots I was rocking. But the female officer who insisted on patting me down 'for security' practically every time I moved; she did like the boots. And, I get the feeling, a bit more... to boot. 

It was amusing, if a little fucking weird. 
Oh, did I just swear? Must be time for a beer...

Till next time,
Nicky x

Week 1:
I've Started, So I'll Finish

"I'm done with online dating.
With 'kink' in my profile I got half the planet's weirdos messaging me!

What they failed to read, among the other stuff, is that I am looking for a monogamous long term relationship. Mo-no-ga-mous. Say it with me! 

And among the oh so charming 'fancy a fuck?' messages and dick pics, however, were some real gems. Here are my favourites, with the writing left as it was sent:

1) 'Do you like Japanese?' 
I asked what my first online suitor might be referring to?
Could it be food? Anime? Torture? Culture? Or indeed...if it was a euphemism.
He didn't know what euphemism meant.... Next!

2) 'How can you have sex you have too kids.'
What a charming way to start a conversation.
I didn't reply to this smooth talker.
For would I start with the lack of basic spelling and punctuation?
Or would it have to be a simple biology lesson?
And some women manage to have even more than two kids, genius. 
I left him to figure these difficult questions on his own.

3) 'I am disabled and so need my hair done. Where I can do this?' 
¿Qué?
Hey, wrong website, sweetcheeks. 
And how does being disabled necessitate a new hairdo?

4) 'I me you marriage sexy kin do ok now please horn yes?'
Yup. Exactly.

When I took the kink out of the equation I 'met' some lovely people:

• The 30 year-old city boy who needed help with a new CV and interview skills. 
  
  
• The trust fund kid who started every message with: "I have a penthouse in (insert expensive city centre)!" Who didn't know why he was attracting gold diggers. 
  
  
• The suicidal middle aged man who told me all the weird details of his life and his psychiatrist. 
  

Yes, all these men seemed all lovely enough, but not remotely near what I have been looking for.

And then there's the opinion of my extended family...
...But then this is not their story, it's mine!

A story I'm calling How I Get My Other, subtitled; 
How I Get my Kinks, My Guy and Hopefully Both. 
And I've started now so I'll stop.

Till next week."

Nicky x